Thursday, September 11, 2014


I do try to be fairly positive and optimistic on this blog. 

However, I have been doing a lot of thinking and thought about putting forth something honest (not that my other posts aren't honest, but they don't disclose the full picture).

Ever notice how many people involved in horses are either involved for the ribbons (self satisfaction) or to fulfill a missing need?

I ended up being drawn towards horses I think because of my fragmented childhood.  To put it briefly, there was a good deal of abuse in various formats.  I also (as previously mentioned) have a hearing loss, so I endured (and still do occasionally) deal with that discrimination and lack of understanding from other people I am around.

Horses have always given me the equality I have craved.  On a horse, she doesn't particularly care if I am a broken child or have issues with social stigmas.

But sometimes the past keeps intercepting us.  I have had issues in the past with depression and anxiety, stemming from childhood issues.  Horses (and my past hobbies) have always been good therapy with progressing and keeping things at bay.  Occasionally, things rear up their ugly head.

The past short while, I have realized that some issues are resurfacing again, so I have a Dr appointment to see if I can get things back on track again. 

Given time to sit and reflect, I'd like to thank the people that are willing to be supportive in these times.  The people that are patient at the barn when I am a little more withdrawn or flighty.  My husband who really doesn't understand, but has told me to go out and ride.  My friends that come and push me to go ride anyway.

For you see, it's hard to get over that hurdle to get out there and do something.  Once I am in the barn, I can feel the anxiety reduce, but to get over that hurdle is something hard to describe to people.  So to those that push others along in similar circumstances, thank you.

And be kind to those barn friends, horse friends, or what not that may be in similar circumstances.  That erratic behavior isn't easy for them either and the kind patience needed is often more important than one can know. 

Sorry if this isn't the typical sunshine and roses post that I like to share, but since depression and mental disorders are a very real issue that are often closeted, I'd like to provide support and friendship to anyone else in a similar circumstance.


  1. *hugs*
    Good post, nitty gritty honesty is always refreshing. This is your blog to fill how you chose, hopefully putting these feelings into words helps somehow to deal with them.
    I think i often say the wrong thing trying to say the right thing, but i can also listen without comment when needed.

    Horses are deff the best listeners though & better yet they answer us in their unique way and provide solace that words cannot

  2. I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. I've definitely been there and wish you the best.

  3. This post definitely hit home for me because I got into horses for the same reason. Ribbons never had the draw that it had for my friends. I was flighty and a spaz who would lock herself in closets to just get away from everything including myself... Glad to know I'm not alone in this. I haven't had the guts to go back and find a Dr. to talk to so I just spend as much time with B and Chevy that I can. It helps. If I go 48 hours without riding, I'm ready to have a breakdown. If you ever need someone to chat with or bounce ideas back and forth with, send me a message! Keep your head up, it'll always get better. <3

  4. I'm sorry things are hard right now. I have struggled with depression and anxiety (the anxiety gets worse and worse every year for me) my whole life so I can relate to what you're going through. I'm glad you have a doctor who can help (I haven't found one yet) and I hope you feel better soon. If you ever need to talk you can email me any time. :) *hugs*


Please leave a comment if you like. I love hearing from readers and would like to know that I am not always talking to myself. ;)