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I do try to be fairly positive and optimistic on this blog. 

However, I have been doing a lot of thinking and thought about putting forth something honest (not that my other posts aren't honest, but they don't disclose the full picture).

Ever notice how many people involved in horses are either involved for the ribbons (self satisfaction) or to fulfill a missing need?

I ended up being drawn towards horses I think because of my fragmented childhood.  To put it briefly, there was a good deal of abuse in various formats.  I also (as previously mentioned) have a hearing loss, so I endured (and still do occasionally) deal with that discrimination and lack of understanding from other people I am around.

Horses have always given me the equality I have craved.  On a horse, she doesn't particularly care if I am a broken child or have issues with social stigmas.

But sometimes the past keeps intercepting us.  I have had issues in the past with depression and anxiety, stemming from childhood issues.  Horses (and my past hobbies) have always been good therapy with progressing and keeping things at bay.  Occasionally, things rear up their ugly head.

The past short while, I have realized that some issues are resurfacing again, so I have a Dr appointment to see if I can get things back on track again. 

Given time to sit and reflect, I'd like to thank the people that are willing to be supportive in these times.  The people that are patient at the barn when I am a little more withdrawn or flighty.  My husband who really doesn't understand, but has told me to go out and ride.  My friends that come and push me to go ride anyway.

For you see, it's hard to get over that hurdle to get out there and do something.  Once I am in the barn, I can feel the anxiety reduce, but to get over that hurdle is something hard to describe to people.  So to those that push others along in similar circumstances, thank you.

And be kind to those barn friends, horse friends, or what not that may be in similar circumstances.  That erratic behavior isn't easy for them either and the kind patience needed is often more important than one can know. 

Sorry if this isn't the typical sunshine and roses post that I like to share, but since depression and mental disorders are a very real issue that are often closeted, I'd like to provide support and friendship to anyone else in a similar circumstance.